"Did You Hear About the Morgans?"

Did you hear about the Morgans? Well, did you hear the one about the New Yorkers who moved to the country and didn't fit in? Then you've heard -- or can imagine -- pretty much everything transplanted Manhattanites Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker experience in writer-director Marc Lawrence's "Did You Hear About the Morgans?," a pre-fab farce that largely squanders the charms of its stars.

Lawrence and Grant have previously collaborated on the mediocre "Music and Lyrics" and sub-mediocre "Two Weeks Notice"; quality-wise, "Morgans" falls squarely in line with their previous output. It's a movie that will probably find its most receptive audiences on long flights where passengers may be so starved for entertainment (or, considering the state of airline food these days, just plain starved) they'll overlook the cookie-cutter characters, formulaic situations and reheated jokes. And maybe on those small-scale screens viewers won't notice how haggard Parker and Grant are made to appear under the film's unflattering lighting. Granted, Paul and Meryl Morgan are supposed to be in the grip of a stressful readjustment, but do they really have to look like they're coming off a week-long espresso-and-No-Doz binge?

As for the plot, I'll give you the set-up and you see if you can write the rest. Lawyer Paul and real estate queen Meryl have been separated for three months after infertility (his) and infidelity (also his) sent their marriage crashing onto the rocks. Meryl's not sure she wants him back, but she gets him anyway after the two witness the stabbing death of one of her potential clients and the Feds force them into the Witness Relocation Program.

They're dumped in a Wyoming backwater, where they're plopped down on a farm, under the watchful gaze of a U.S. Marshal (Sam Elliott) and his sharp-shootin' wife (Mary Steenburgen), who'd make Annie Oakley look gun-shy.

And... go!

Do the Morgans learn to appreciate the folksy ways of their new neighbors? Certainly. Does Paul run afoul of local wildlife? Definitely. Does Meryl embarrass herself while trying to perform chores? You know it. Do the Morgans eventually begin to appreciate each other again, only to have their new-found peace shattered by a ridiculous plot twist? That's for you to find out.

There are a couple of giggles to be had from Meryl and Paul's reactions to their new environment, such as when Meryl makes her first foray into a WalMart-style superstore ("This can't be right: a sweater for $9.99?!") or when Paul complains their new home is so quiet "I could hear my cells dividing."

Most of "Morgans," however, plays like the pilot for a sitcom destined to be rejected by every network. Lawrence pushes Parker to overexaggerate Meryl's expressions and gestures: Before long, her quivering shoulders, stammering voice and fluttering hands make her look like she's unsuccessfully auditioning for the next Woody Allen ensemble piece. The actress, who usually displays a much easier touch when playing comedy, is also hobbled by the screenplay, which dictates that Meryl make some stunningly idiotic moves simply to keep the action moving along. Grant seems generally disconnected from the material, doing and saying what's required of him, but not making much of an effort to sell it.

It's left to seasoned pros Elliott and Steenburgen to brighten up this mundane movie, and they bring a pleasant breeziness to their scenes, even when they get stuck with cringe-worthy wisecracks. But even they can't make "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" worthwhile, much less worth talking about.