The 100 best -- and the 98 worst -- of the '00s

As the decade comes to a close, I decided to retrieve my Top 10 lists for each year -- both the best and the worst. Unfortunately for people who like nice round numbers, I didn't see a whole lot of bad movies this year (intentionally, I may add), so I only have eight titles on my 2009 Worst list. So we're left with a grand total of 100 terrific pictures and 98 terrible time-waters instead of an even 200. But let's not quibble over those details.

Here they are, the classics and the clunkers of the past 10 years...


2000 Best:
1. "Chicken Run"
2. "Gladiator"
3. "You Can Count on Me"
4. "The Virgin Suicides"
5. "Almost Famous"
6. "Dancer in the Dark"
7. "The Gift"
8. "Best In Show"
9. "Beyond the Mat"
10. "Erin Brockovich"


2000 Worst:
1. "Battlefield Earth"
2. "Get Carter"
3. "Highlander: Endgame"
4. "The In Crowd"
5. "Bait"
6. "Beautiful"
7. "Supernova"
8. "Bored Silly"
9. "The Skulls"
10. "Down to You"


2001 Best:
1. "In the Bedroom"
2. "Shrek"
3. "The Dish"
4. "Panic"
5. "Monsters, Inc."
6. "Amores Perros"
7. "Memento"
8. "Ghost World"
9. "Amelie"
10. "The Royal Tenenbaums"

2001 Worst:
1. "Tomcats"
2. "The Wash"
3. "Riding in Cars with Boys"
4. "Joe Dirt"
5. "Dr. Dolittle 2"
6. "Head Over Heels"
7. "3000 Miles to Graceland"
8. "Sweet November"
9. "15 Minutes"
10. "Domestic Disturbance"


2002 Best:
1. "Chicago"
2. "The Hours"
3. "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers"
4. "Spirited Away"
5. "Bowling for Columbine"
6. "Adaptation"
7. "Insomnia"
8. "Tribute"
9. "Thirteen Conversations About One Thing"
10. "Atanarjuat (The Fast Runner)"

2002 Worst:
1. "Rollerball"
2. "Crossroads"
3. "The Master of Disguise"
4. "Frank McKlusky, C.I."
5. "Femme Fatale"
6. "The Adventures of Pluto Nash"
7. "Bad Company"
8. "Sorority Boys"
9. "Dragonfly"
10. "Half Past Dead"

2003 Best:
1. "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"
2. "American Splendor"
3. "Big Fish"
4. "Spellbound"
5. "Pieces of April"
6. "Winged Migration"
7. "Whale Rider"
8. "Finding Nemo"
9. "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"
10. "Capturing the Friedmans"

2003 Worst:
1. "Boat Trip"
2. "Bad Boys II"
3. "Gigli"
4. "My Boss's Daughter"
5. "From Justin to Kelly"
6. "Cold Creek Manor"
7. "Kangaroo Jack"
8. "Basic"
9. "The Life of David Gale"
10. "Hollywood Homicide"

2004 Best:
1. "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"
2. "Kinsey"
3. "Sideways"
4. "Hero"
5. "Kill Bill, Vol. 2"
6. "The Incredibles"
7. "Spider-Man 2"
8. "Million Dollar Baby"
9. "Maria Full of Grace"
10. "The Polar Express"

2004 Worst:
1. "Surviving Christmas"
2. "The Whole Ten Yards"
3. "New York Minute"
4. "Paparazzi"
5. "SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2"
6. "Godsend"
7. "Little Black Book"
8. "Catwoman"
9. "My Baby's Daddy"
10. "Darkness"

2005 Best:
1. "Brokeback Mountain"
2. "March of the Penguins"
3. "Murderball"
4. "The Constant Gardener"
5. "Capote"
6. "Batman Begins"
7. "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
8. "Rent"
9. "A History of Violence"
10. "The Squid and the Whale"

2005 Worst:
1. "Mindhunters"
2. "Aeon Flux"
3. "Hide and Seek"
4. "Boogeyman"
5. "The Fog"
6. "Undiscovered"
7. "King's Ransom"
8. "Must Love Dogs"
9. "In the Mix"
10. "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous"

2006 Best:
1. "The Queen"
2. "Little Children"
3. "Volver"
4. "The Departed"
5. "Little Miss Sunshine"
6. "Half Nelson"
7. "United 93"
8. "Jesus Camp"
9. "Slither"
10. "Dreamgirls"

2006 Worst:
1. "Material Girls"
2. "Date Movie"
3. "BloodRayne"
4. "Ultraviolet"
5. "When a Stranger Calls"
6. "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector"
7. "Little Man"
8. "Tristan and Isolde"
9. "Stick It"
10. "Basic Instinct 2"

2007 Best:
1. "There Will Be Blood"
2. "Control"
3. "Juno"
4. "Lust, Caution"
5. "Into the Wild"
6. "Atonement"
7. "Hot Fuzz"
8. "The Wind That Shakes the Barley"
9. "No Country for Old Men"
10. "Lars and the Real Girl"

2007 Worst:
1. "I Know Who Killed Me"
2. "License to Wed"
3. "Are We Done Yet?"
4. "Thr3e"
5. "Primeval"
6. "Redline"
7. "P.S. I Love You"
8. "The Reaping"
9. "The Number 23"
10. "Premonition"

2008 Best:
1. "Slumdog Millionaire"
2. "Revolutionary Road"
3. "The Wrestler"
4. "The Dark Knight"
5. "WALL*E"
6. "In Bruges"
7. "Young@Heart"
8. "Happy-Go-Lucky"
9. "Man on Wire"
10. "The Vistor"

2008 Worst:
1. "The Hottie and the Nottie"
2. "The Love Guru"
3. "Made of Honor"
4. "Witless Protection"
5. "88 Minutes"
6. "One Missed Call"
7. "Beer For My Horses"
8. "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"
9. "Four Christmases"
10. "Repo! The Genetic Opera"

2009 Best:
1. "Stilyagi (Hipsters)"
2. "Up in the Air"
3. "An Education"
4. "The Hurt Locker"
5. "Up"
6. "A Single Man"
7. "(500) Days of Summer"
8. "Anvil! The Story of Anvil"
9. "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' By Sapphire"
10. "In the Loop"

2009 Worst:
1. "Transylmania"
2. "Fired Up"
3. "Confessions of a Shopaholic"
4. "New in Town"
5. "Knowing"
6. "The Informers"
7. "Fanboys"
8. "Paranormal Activity"

The best -- and the rest

So it's time again to sort through the year's best and worst films, but this time around I have a strange situation in front of me. My favorite movie of the year was never released in America. So I can tell you about it, I can show you clips on YouTube -- and yet I know if you didn't it see at the Toronto International Film Festival in September or at the Chicago International Film Festival in October, or at some other festival somewhere your odds of seeing it in a theater are probably pretty slim.

That's because "Stilyagi (Hipsters)" has yet to find an American distributor, even though it won best picture in the Nika awards, the Russian equivalent of the Academy Awards. It wowed the audiences in Toronto and Chicago, too. Director Valery Todorovsky's electrifying musical comedy-drama combines familiar elements from "Footloose," "West Side Story," "Grease" and "Hairspray" in a story set against the backdrop of 1955 Moscow, where a gang of jazz-loving teens in candy-colored clothes and carefully coiffed hairdos shake up Soviet society, in which gray is the favorite shade of fashion designers. Here is a hint of how good this film is: I understand perhaps five words of Russian, yet I watched "Stilyagi" all the way through without the benefit of subtitles and still had a sensational time (thankfully, the story is not exactly Tolstoyesque in terms of its complexity).

So that was my top choice of 2009. But let's get down to a few films you might have actually seen. Here come this year's 10 best:

1. "Stilyagi (Hipsters)"

2. "Up in the Air"

3. "An Education"

4. "The Hurt Locker"

5. "Up"


6. "A Single Man"

7. "(500) Days of Summer"


8. "Anvil! The Story of Anvil"

9. "Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire"


10. "In the Loop"

And a bunch of worthwhile runner-ups (in alphabetical order): "Adventureland," "Adam," "Bright Star," "Broken Embraces," "The Class," "Coraline," "The Damned United," "District 9," "Drag Me to Hell," "Duplicity," "Every Little Step," "Fantastic Mr. Fox," "The Hangover," "The Informant!," "Inglorious Basterds," "It Might Get Loud," "It's Complicated," "Julie & Julia," "Me and Orson Welles," "The Messenger," "A Serious Man," "The September Issue," "The Young Victoria," "Zombieland."

I'm not bothering with a comprehensive 10 Worst list this year because, frankly, much of this year I actively avoided seeing anything I assumed I wouldn't like. After I stopped reviewing full-time at the end of May, I made a promise to myself I would not waste my time watching lousy films (unless there was a paycheck attached). So I missed out on "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," "Land of the Lost," "Imagine That," "Year One," "Dance Flick," "G-Force," "The Ugly Truth," "All About Steve" and many others that will undoubtedly find their places on other Worst of the Year lists. As for the awful films I did wind up seeing, I would dearly like to get back the 12 hours of my life squandered on:


1. "Transylmania"
2. "Fired Up"
3. "Confessions of a Shopaholic"
4. "New in Town"
5. "Knowing"
6. "The Informers"
7. "Fanboys"
8. "Paranormal Activity" (the year's most overhyped "phenomenon," a bad home-movie that was almost as "terrifying" as "The Hannah Montana Movie"; bring on the backlash)

I had thought of tacking on "Obsessed" and "2012" to make it a perfect 10 -- but I have to admit those two turkeys provided so many unintentional laughs I have to admit they were actually kind of fun to sit through.

"It's Complicated"

Writer-director Nancy Meyers is one of the best friends an actress can have. Not only does she know how to craft substantial parts and write witty lines, she also realizes women don't automatically lose their appeal once they reach that much-murmured-about "certain age." So in "It's Complicated," Meyers unleashes a new sex kitten: Her name is Meryl Streep.

Read the full review here.

"Sherlock Holmes"

Forget about deerstalker hats and 7 percent solutions. They have no place in the world of "Sherlock Holmes" as envisioned by director Guy Ritchie.

Instead this Sherlock -- portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. as a peculiar cross between an effete eccentric and a rough-and-tumble adventurer -- participates in bare-knuckle boxing matches, dives out windows into the chilly waters of the Thames and even allows his trusty associate, Dr. Watson (Jude Law), to sock him in the nose when Holmes goes too far. Obviously, we're a long, long way from the cinematic heyday of Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce.

Read the full review here.

"Up in the Air"

The pervasive influence of lobbyists, teenage pregnancy and joblessness are nothing to laugh about. Yet director Jason Reitman has made three very funny films -- "Thank You for Smoking," "Juno" and "Up in the Air" -- addressing these topics. "Air," in which George Clooney plays a suave hatchet man who happily wields the ax when namby-pamby corporate types don't want to do their own dirty work, is the best of the bunch, a movie that manages to keep you laughing even as it slowly breaks your heart.

Based on Walter Kirn's novel of the same name, "Air" examines the world of Ryan Bingham (Clooney), a guy who jets around the country jettisoning workers from their offices. How does Bingham sleep at night? Quite comfortably, for the most part; he sees himself as a solitary man on a mission. Insults from his victims bounce off of him and their hysterical tears just roll off his back.

In an environment that regularly puts profits ahead of people, Ryan Bingham is a hero. But is this someone we really want to get to know? Yes, Reitman insists.

As "Air" unfolds, Bingham begins to look more and more like the lost son of C.C. Baxter, the status-seeking accountant Jack Lemmon played in director Billy Wilder's 1960 Oscar-winner "The Apartment." Baxter curried favor with his bosses by loaning his bedroom out to executives who needed a private getaway for illicit affairs; Bingham willingly does managers' dirty work for them in exchange for a generous salary. Baxter wanted to climb the ladder, but Bingham has even loftier dreams: He wants to rack up millions of frequent-flier miles to savor the premium perks they bring.

If Bingham is sounding more and more like a thoroughly loathsome personality, that's not the way Reitman sees him and it's certainly not the way Clooney plays him. "Air" realizes there is often a gap between what someone does for a living and who they really are -- and despite his outwardly impressive appearance, Bingham is not Mr. Success. His non-stop travel is a convenient cover for the way he runs away from commitments, from his family, from anything that reeks of stability. "Last year, I spent 322 days on the road, which means I had to spend 43 miserable days at home," he says in his narration. If home is truly where the heart is, Bingham would prefer to leave his in his barely furnished apartment.

In the hands of an actor less capable than Clooney, Bingham might be a very cold fish indeed. But Clooney uncovers the man's humor and wisdom, even his charm. So by the time Bingham finds himself involuntarily shackled to a take-charge trainee named Natalie (the outstanding Anna Kendrick), we find ourselves feeling sympathy for him. And when Bingham encounters Alex (Vera Farmiga), who's almost his equal when it comes to racking up time on the road, we start to hope maybe Bingham has found his perfect match.

"Air" might also be seen as a companion piece to Clooney's earlier "Michael Clayton," another story in which a seasoned pro suddenly realizes the life he's been enjoying is no longer viable. Like Clayton, Bingham begins to question what lies ahead, especially now that Natalie and Bingham's disturbingly upbeat boss (Jason Bateman) are pushing the idea of firing employees through video conferencing instead of going through all the trouble of doing it face-to-face. "The slower we move, the faster we die," Bingham tells an audience in one of his motivational seminars. "We are not swans -- we are sharks." And if Bingham is forced to settle down, he may well be a dead duck.

Reitman and co-writer Sheldon Turner have sandwiched some marvelously witty dialogue into this screenplay, and Clooney, Kendrick and Farmiga make sure every line hits its target. While Kendrick's Natalie embodies every awful trait of the recent bright-eyed business school grad (from the solemn stare to the curt tone she uses when addressing people she doesn't want to know), she's using those tactics to hide a deep well of insecurities. Like a little girl dressing up in Mommy's clothes, she has the right essentials but she doesn't quite know how to put it all together yet.

Alex is another story. Farmiga portrays her as a slick, seen-it-all veteran of the corporate wars who dresses classy, talks sassy and moves through a room as if she fully expected everyone to be watching her. "You're so pretty," Natalie gushes in a rare moment of candor. "You're exactly what I wanna look like in 15 years." Although Alex is too polite to tell Natalie she's got a long way to go, that sentiment flashes across Farmiga's eyes.

When I first saw "Up in the Air" at the Toronto International Film Festival in September, I was so impressed by the performances and the splendid writing I initially overlooked one of the film's most distinctive qualities: Even though its central figure is a man, this movie is a veritable goldmine of superb roles for women. In addition to Alex and Natalie, both of whom turn out to be just as complex as Bingham, there's also Bingham's borderline-neurotic sister, Julie, expertly played by the versatile Melanie Lynskey. In her uneasy phone conversations with her brother, you can hear many years of disappointments and let-downs, and when she asks Bingham to help her with a project for her wedding reception the concept she's come up with is both nutty and, when you think about it, truly sad. While her brother bounces all over the country, Julie and her fiance (Danny McBride) can't even scrape together enough money for a honeymoon trip.

That increasingly wide gap between the haves and the have-littles lingers in the background of "Air" as Bingham contemplates charting a new course for himself. At least he's in control of his own fate: The people he's thrown out of work have little more than Bingham's freeze-dried inspirational slogans and the prospect of an unemployment check to comfort them. But, as this captivating comedy-drama reminds us, nothing is permanent.

"Nine"

For film director Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis) the line between fantasy and real life has become so blurred it's practically non-existant. As he drifts through the jet-set scene in 1965 Rome, his past, his present and his fantasy life swirl around him like the constant cloud of cigarette smoke in which he's cocooned himself. His late mother (Sophia Loren) is just as much a part of his reality as his disillusioned wife, Luisa (Marion Cotillard), and his overeager mistress, Carla (Penelope Cruz), and his goddessy leading lady/muse, Claudia (Nicole Kidman). Caught up in his own hype and crushed by the pressure of creating something new, Guido has become the star of his own psychosexual cabaret -- and it's about time he cleaned up his act.

Directed by Rob Marshall ("Chicago"), "Nine" is a eye-filling, somewhat loose adaptation of the 1982 Broadway musical inspired by Federico Fellini's 1963 film "8½." Fellini served up surrealistic scenarios that left viewers' heads buzzing; Marshall dishes out sexy song-and-dance segments that will send 'em running to the nearest cold shower. Problematic and uneven as a character study, "Nine" functions best as a racy variety show (each of Guido's women gets her own number, except for Luisa, who gets two) with Guido as the somewhat mystified master of ceremonies. Guido's faithful costume designer and surrogate nanny Lilli (Judi Dench) serves as the stage manager, while American fashion journalist Stephanie (Kate Hudson) plays the part of the alluring chorus girl who can't wait to jump on the casting couch.

Guido bounces pinball-like between the various ladies in his life -- stopping off along the way to revisit the blowsy/brassy prostitute (Fergie) who gave him his first lessons in love -- while trying to come up with some sort of a viable idea for the new film he's supposed to start shooting in a few days' time. It's pointless to ask why a studio would green-light a movie with no script; Guido, we are regularly reminded, is a genius whose producers encourage him to "write with your camera." Apparently, artistic self-indulgence was not only accepted in 1960s Italy, it was bankrolled.

Given that Marshall has staged most of the musical interludes on the soundstage of Fellini's famous Cinecitta Studios, it's a bit bewildering that he doesn't show any real evidence of Guido's much-celebrated work. About the closest we get to understanding what the Contini catalog contains is Stephanie's tribute to him, "Cinema Italiano," in which she adoringly oozes praise for his directorial style. "I love the speedy little cars, the hip coffee bars, the sleek women in Positano," she wails. "Guido's the ultimate oumo Romano!"

As far as his creative vision is concerned, we'll have to take her word for it. But if we're talking about the ultimate Romeo, well, Guido can definitely qualify as a contender. Although he claims to want to be a faithful husband, he can't seem to cut Carla loose, he aggressively flirts with Stephanie and he obviously entertains fantasies about Claudia in his spare time. If the movie had been 10 minutes longer, perhaps he would have finally gotten around to seducing Lilli as well.

By pushing Guido's carnal urges to the forefront and leaving us in the dark about his skill as a filmmaker, screenwriters Michael Tolkin and the late Anthony Minghella have handed Day-Lewis a character that's difficult to truly like, much less identify with. Guido spends most of the movie trying to dodge his responsibilities and commitments: He runs away from the set; he leaves Luisa to suffer in solitude; he sneaks away from Carla when she's at her most vulnerable, etc. He's not so much a man of action as a man of evasion, and after a while that becomes rather wearying to watch, even though Day-Lewis often finds the comic possibilities in Guido's muddled morality.

"Nine" has also deleted all but two of Guido's songs, which makes little sense since Day-Lewis proves to be a capable enough vocalist and, in the stage version, those solos supply background information that fill out Guido's psyche. Without them, Guido is almost as much a mystery as his work-in-progress.

Thankfully, the women step in to save the show. Cotillard wrings every possible drop of heartbroken resignation out of "My Husband Makes Movies," in which Luisa tries to justify her position as Guido's cheerleader and companion and, although devotees of the show may be furious Luisa's "Be On Your Own" has been bumped in favor of a new song titled "Take It All," Cotillard delivers the torchy number in scorching style. Kidman's quivery alto gives a sweet sincerity to the gorgeous "Unusual Way," although breaking up the ballad with dialogue nullifies much of its power. Similarly, Loren's lullaby "Guarda La Luna," another piece written for the film, is pretty but feels extraneous.

Fergie lets loose with a full-throttle version of "Be Italian" -- backed up by a troupe of tambourine-shaking tramps -- and Dench, trotting around in a mile-long red feather boa, puts plenty of wry razzle-dazzle into "Folies Bergere."

As for Cruz's rendition of "A Phone Call From the Vatican," it's a gold-plated show-stopper. Sliding down electric-pink curtains, writhing around on a mirrored floor and swinging from ropes, Cruz is both voluptuous, volcanic and the dancing definition of va-va-voom. Sure, it's only a movie, but don't be surprised if you find yourself shouting, "Encore!"

"An Education"

In 1961, London had yet to see the arrival of The Beatles or Twiggy or Mary Quant; in director Lone Scherfig's "An Education," it seems much closer to Sedate London than the Swinging London it would become by mid-decade. So it's no wonder culture-starved 16-year-old Jenny (Carey Mulligan) would be quickly swept away by David (Peter Sarsgaard), who is twice her age, drives a sleek sportscar, knows all the finest nightclubs and showers her with gifts.

Unfortunately, excitement and enlightenment can come at a high cost, something journalist Lynn Barber learned first-hand; her recently published memoir "An Education" is the basis for Nick Hornby's skillfully detailed screenplay. (Some character names were changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty).

Read the full review here.

Visit the official movie website (and hear some of the cool soundtrack music) here.

Detroit Film Critics Society Awards announced

The Detroit Film Critics Society is pleased to announce the BEST OF 2009 nominees in eight categories. The society was founded in Spring 2007 and consists of a group of 21 Michigan film critics who write or broadcast in the Detroit area as well as other major cities within a 150-mile radius of the city including Ann Arbor, Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, Lansing, and Flint, Michigan.
Each critic submitted their top 5 picks in the following categories: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Ensemble, and Best Breakthrough Performance. From these submissions, each entry was given a point value and the top 5 in each category were put on the final ballot. The final ballots were then given to each critic to rank in order. The results were once again tabulated and the winners were decided.


THE NOMINATIONS FOR 2009 PICKED BY THE DETROIT FILM CRITICS SOCIETY (in alphabetical order)

1. BEST FILM
(500) DAYS OF SUMMER
THE HURT LOCKER
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
UP
UP IN THE AIR


2. BEST DIRECTOR
KATHRYN BIGELOW– THE HURT LOCKER
PETE DOCTER - UP
JASON REITMAN – UP IN THE AIR
QUENTIN TARANTINO – INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
MARC WEBB – (500) DAYS OF SUMMER


3. BEST ACTOR
GEORGE CLOONEY – UP IN THE AIR
MATT DAMON – THE INFORMANT
COLIN FIRTH – A SINGLE MAN
JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT – (500) DAYS OF SUMMER
SAM ROCKWELL - MOON


4. BEST ACTRESS
ALISON LOHMAN – DRAG ME TO HELL
CAREY MULLIGAN – AN EDUCATION
SAOIRSE RONAN – THE LOVELY BONES
GABOUREY “GABBY” SIDIBE – PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
MERYL STREEP – JULIE & JULIA

5. BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
WOODY HARRELSON – THE MESSENGER
WOODY HARRELSON - ZOMBIELAND
CHRISTIAN MCKAY – ME & ORSON WELLES
STANLEY TUCCI – THE LOVELY BONES
CHRISTOPH WALTZ – INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

6. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
MARION COTILLARD - NINE
VERA FARMIGA – UP IN THE AIR
ANNA KENDRICK – UP IN THE AIR
MELANIE LAURENT – INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
MO’NIQUE - PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE


7. BEST ENSEMBLE
THE HANGOVER
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
STAR TREK
ZOMBIELAND

8. BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE
ANNA KENDRICK – UP IN THE AIR
CHRISTIAN MCKAY – ME & ORSON WELLES
CAREY MULLIGAN – AN EDUCATION
CHRIS PINE – STAR TREK
GABOUREY “GABBY” SIDIBE – PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
CHRISTOPH WALTZ – INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

The Detroit Film Critics Society members for the 2009-2010 season in alphabetical order are Kirk Baird – The Toledo Blade, Jason Buchanan – allmovieguide.com, Colette Evangelista – Capital Area Women’s Lifestyle Magazine, Jim Fordyce – www.MIentertainment.biz, Adam Graham – The Detroit News, Corey Hall – The Metro Times, Tom Long – The Detroit News, Jeff Meyers – The Metro Times, Robin Miner-Swartz – The Lansing State Journal, Chad Mitchell – The Chad Show, John Monaghan – The Detroit Free Press, Warren Pierce – WJR Radio, Greg Russell – WMYD-TV, James Sanford – The Kalamazoo Gazette, Debbie Schlussel – Sirius Patriot Channel 144’s Mike Church Show, Perry Seibert – allmovieguide.com, John Serba – The Grand Rapids Press, Lee Thomas – Fox 2, Kirk Vanderbeek – Real Detroit Weekly, Greg Walton – WIOG/KRSP, and Chris Williams – Advisor & Source Newspapers.

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, CONTACT: RUTH DANIELS, DETROIT FILM CRITICS SOCIETY AT
(248) 703-0997 or ruthd@emagine-entertainment.com
More information is available on the website at detroitfilmcritics.com

"Avatar"

No one can say the technology in “Avatar” isn’t up-to-the-minute.

Writer-director James Cameron has taken the motion capture technique (previously used in “The Polar Express,” “Beowulf” and the Jim Carrey version of “A Christmas Carol”) to an astonishing new level, and the digitally created otherworldly landscapes in which most of the story unfolds are often awe-inspiring.

From a purely technical standpoint, the movie is a triumph: Watching “Avatar” you may think you’ve tapped directly into Cameron’s dreams — or, in certain sections, nightmares. A few hundred million dollars buys a lot of stunning visuals, including a flock of shrieking dragon-birds, a cluster of brush-covered monoliths suspended like petrified bubbles in the skies above the planet Pandora, and a phosphorescent forest rife with towering foliage and tentacled trees.

Cameron’s screenplay, however, is old-school in the extreme. The good guys are a race of 10-foot-tall, nature-worshipping, cyan-skinned beings known as the Na’vi; the forces of darkness are represented by the heavy-handed foot soldiers of the military/industrial complex.

Read the full review here.

"Did You Hear About the Morgans?"

Did you hear about the Morgans? Well, did you hear the one about the New Yorkers who moved to the country and didn't fit in? Then you've heard -- or can imagine -- pretty much everything transplanted Manhattanites Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker experience in writer-director Marc Lawrence's "Did You Hear About the Morgans?," a pre-fab farce that largely squanders the charms of its stars.

Lawrence and Grant have previously collaborated on the mediocre "Music and Lyrics" and sub-mediocre "Two Weeks Notice"; quality-wise, "Morgans" falls squarely in line with their previous output. It's a movie that will probably find its most receptive audiences on long flights where passengers may be so starved for entertainment (or, considering the state of airline food these days, just plain starved) they'll overlook the cookie-cutter characters, formulaic situations and reheated jokes. And maybe on those small-scale screens viewers won't notice how haggard Parker and Grant are made to appear under the film's unflattering lighting. Granted, Paul and Meryl Morgan are supposed to be in the grip of a stressful readjustment, but do they really have to look like they're coming off a week-long espresso-and-No-Doz binge?

As for the plot, I'll give you the set-up and you see if you can write the rest. Lawyer Paul and real estate queen Meryl have been separated for three months after infertility (his) and infidelity (also his) sent their marriage crashing onto the rocks. Meryl's not sure she wants him back, but she gets him anyway after the two witness the stabbing death of one of her potential clients and the Feds force them into the Witness Relocation Program.

They're dumped in a Wyoming backwater, where they're plopped down on a farm, under the watchful gaze of a U.S. Marshal (Sam Elliott) and his sharp-shootin' wife (Mary Steenburgen), who'd make Annie Oakley look gun-shy.

And... go!

Do the Morgans learn to appreciate the folksy ways of their new neighbors? Certainly. Does Paul run afoul of local wildlife? Definitely. Does Meryl embarrass herself while trying to perform chores? You know it. Do the Morgans eventually begin to appreciate each other again, only to have their new-found peace shattered by a ridiculous plot twist? That's for you to find out.

There are a couple of giggles to be had from Meryl and Paul's reactions to their new environment, such as when Meryl makes her first foray into a WalMart-style superstore ("This can't be right: a sweater for $9.99?!") or when Paul complains their new home is so quiet "I could hear my cells dividing."

Most of "Morgans," however, plays like the pilot for a sitcom destined to be rejected by every network. Lawrence pushes Parker to overexaggerate Meryl's expressions and gestures: Before long, her quivering shoulders, stammering voice and fluttering hands make her look like she's unsuccessfully auditioning for the next Woody Allen ensemble piece. The actress, who usually displays a much easier touch when playing comedy, is also hobbled by the screenplay, which dictates that Meryl make some stunningly idiotic moves simply to keep the action moving along. Grant seems generally disconnected from the material, doing and saying what's required of him, but not making much of an effort to sell it.

It's left to seasoned pros Elliott and Steenburgen to brighten up this mundane movie, and they bring a pleasant breeziness to their scenes, even when they get stuck with cringe-worthy wisecracks. But even they can't make "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" worthwhile, much less worth talking about.

Detroit Film Critics Society nominations

The Detroit Film Critics Society is pleased to announce the BEST OF 2009 nominees in eight categories. The society was founded in Spring 2007 and consists of a group of 20 Michigan film critics who write or broadcast in the Detroit area as well as other major cities within a 150-mile radius of the city including Ann Arbor, Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, Lansing, and Flint, Michigan.
Each critic submitted their top 5 picks in the following categories: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Ensemble, and Breakthrough Performance. From these submissions, each entry was given a point value and the top 5 in each category have been placed on the final ballot. The 2009 winners will be announced on December 18th, 2009.

Leading the nominations is “UP IN THE AIR” which was partially filmed here at McNamara Terminal. Other top nominees include Quentin Tarantino’s “INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS” and “PRECIOUS”.

THE NOMINATIONS FOR 2009 PICKED BY THE DETROIT FILM CRITICS SOCIETY (in alphabetical order)

1. BEST FILM

500 DAYS OF SUMMER
THE HURT LOCKER
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
UP
UP IN THE AIR

2. BEST DIRECTOR

KATHRYN BIGELOW– THE HURT LOCKER
PETE DOCTER - UP
JASON REITMAN – UP IN THE AIR
QUENTIN TARANTINO – INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
MARC WEBB – 500 DAYS OF SUMMER

3. BEST ACTOR

GEORGE CLOONEY – UP IN THE AIR
MATT DAMON – THE INFORMANT
COLIN FIRTH – A SINGLE MAN
JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT – 500 DAYS OF SUMMER
SAM ROCKWELL - MOON

4. BEST ACTRESS

ALISON LOHMAN – DRAG ME TO HELL
CAREY MULLIGAN – AN EDUCATION
SAOIRSE RONAN – THE LOVELY BONES
GABOUREY “GABBY” SIDIBE – PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
MERYL STREEP – JULIE & JULIA

5. BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

WOODY HARRELSON – THE MESSENGER
WOODY HARRELSON - ZOMBIELAND
CHRISTIAN MCKAY – ME & ORSON WELLES
STANLEY TUCCI – THE LOVELY BONES
CHRISTOPH WALTZ – INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

6. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

MARION COTILLARD - NINE
VERA FARMIGA – UP IN THE AIR
ANNA KENDRICK – UP IN THE AIR
MELANIE LAURENT – INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
MO’NIQUE - PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE


7. BEST ENSEMBLE
THE HANGOVER
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
STAR TREK
ZOMBIELAND


8. BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE

ANNA KENDRICK – UP IN THE AIR
CHRISTIAN MCKAY – ME & ORSON WELLES
CAREY MULLIGAN – AN EDUCATION
CHRIS PINE – STAR TREK
GABOUREY “GABBY” SIDIBE – PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
CHRISTOPH WALTZ – INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

The Detroit Film Critics Society members for the 2009-2010 season in alphabetical order are Kirk Baird – The Toledo Blade, Jason Buchanan – allmovie.com, Colette Evangelista – Capital Women’s Lifestyle Magazine, Jim Fordyce – www.MIentertainment.biz, Adam Graham – The Detroit News, Corey Hall – The Metro Times, Tom Long – The Detroit News, Jeff Meyers – The Metro Times, Robin Miner-Swartz – The Lansing State Journal, Chad Mitchell – The Chad Show, John Monaghan – The Detroit Free Press, Warren Pierce – WJR Radio, Greg Russell – WMYD-TV, James Sanford – The Kalamazoo Gazette, Debbie Schlussel – Sirius Patriot Channel 144’s Mike Church Show, Perry Seibert – allmovieguide.com, John Serba – The Grand Rapids Press, Lee Thomas – Fox 2, Kirk Vanderbeek – Real Detroit Weekly, Greg Walton – WIOG/KRSP, and Chris Williams – Advisor & Source Newspapers.

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, CONTACT: RUTH DANIELS, DETROIT FILM CRITICS SOCIETY
AT (248) 703-0997 OR ruthd@emagine-entertainment.com
More information is available on the website at detroitfilmcritics.com

"The Princess and the Frog"

She's as hard-working as Cinderella, as resourceful as Pocahontas, as brave as Mulan and as brainy as Belle: She's Tiana, the heroine of "The Princess and the Frog." She's also Disney's first black princess -- except that for 80 percent of the movie, she's actually green.

That deserves an explanation.

In this funky, often frantic twist on "The Frog Prince" set in 1920s New Orleans, Tiana (voice provided by Anika Noni Rose) is a waitress who dutifully works double shifts to save money for her own restaurant. Although well-versed in fairy tales, she believes a brighter future is only possible if you make it happen for yourself. "If you do your best every day, good things are sure to come your way," she sings.

But then a frog comes along: He claims to be the visiting Prince Naveen (Bruno Campos), who has been transformed into an amphibian by the sly black magic practitioner Dr. Facilier (Keith David). If Tiana gives him a kiss -- "Just one kiss -- unless you beg for more!" -- it could break the spell.

After some initial trepidation Tiana puckers up and... quickly finds the curse is contagious. She too becomes a frog, and she and Naveen must work together to undo the voodoo.

With its mostly nutty cast of characters and emphasis on slapstick, "Princess" is closer in tone to "The Emperor's New Groove" than it is to most of Disney's other princess-driven vehicles. The hand-drawn animation also sets it apart from the slew of recent computer-enhanced cartoons. The lovingly detailed Louisiana locations, running the gamut from rowdy Mardi Gras parties to a slimy swamp, are always a pleasure to look at.

If Randy Newman's generally jaunty score isn't likely to produce any immortal hits, its ragtime-y flourishes are certainly period-appropriate; he even name-checks Louis Armstrong and Sidney Bechet along the way. The screenplay by Ron Clements, John Musker and Rob Edwards also drops a couple of sly references to Tennessee Williams: The local aristocrat is known as Big Daddy (John Goodman) and his hound dog is named Stella. There's no cat on a hot tin roof, but there is a neurotic kitten who ends up clinging to the ceiling at one point.

Disney has often been criticized for pushing the idea that young women should aspire to marry into money or power. "Princess" tries to have it both ways: Tiana eventually warms up to (and softens the heart of) the playboy Naveen, yet she's also a certifiable workaholic who is determined to do it all by herself. "I'm not a princess, I'm a waitress," she declares, and she's not ashamed of that.

As for whether or not the film has anything to say about African-American culture or the racial politics of the early-20th-century South, the story largely side-steps or sugarcoats those concepts. Tiana's unlikely best friend is a wealthy white brat of a beauty named Charlotte (Jennifer Cody) who kept Tiana's mom, Eudora (Oprah Winfrey), on call as a personal seamstress and dress designer. Segregation is nowhere to be found in this vision of the Crescent City, and since most of the plot involves Tiana and Naveen's adventures in their frog incarnations the only major character of color in "Princess" turns out to be Dr. Facilier, who is evil through and through. His arch-enemy, a daffy sorceress named Mama Odie (Jennifer Lewis), is barely around long enough to belt out her gospel-flavored Big Number.

But "Princess" is first and foremost a fantasy, after all, so why should we expect it to provide much in the way of social realism? The movie is brimming with spirit and marvelous imagery (the freaky, psychedelic singing masks that back up Dr. Facilier in "Friends on the Other Side" are truly trippy) and Rose's soaring voice is always a joy to hear. Instead of history lessons, "Princess" provides lively escapist fun instead, and that's by no means a bad trade-off.

"Invictus"

According to director Clint Eastwood's "Invictus," William Ernest Henley's 1875 poem of the same name was a source of inspiration to South African president Nelson Mandela during his 27 years as a political prisoner on Robben Island. "Under the bludgeoning of chance/My head is bloody, but unbowed," Henley wrote. "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

In 1994, after having been elected to lead the same country that once accused him of treason, Mandela (Morgan Freeman) passes this source of inspiration along to Francois Pienaar (Matt Damon), captain of the South African rugby team known as the Springboks. Mandela only has to unite a fractured nation; Pienaar is being called upon to win the 1995 World Cup and, considering the Springboks' sorry track record, he's going to need a lot of encouragement.

Read the full review here.

"Transylmania"

"What happens in Romania, stays in Romania," declares a dazed college student about to join in a vampire orgy in "Transylmania." Unfortunately, nobody shared that sentiment with directors David and Scott Hillenbrand, and they've thoughtlessly spilled the beans on what it's like to transfer to the University of Razvan, where the undead feast upon the brain-dead. It's a sordid story indeed, one that will infuriate the Romanian Tourist Board and incinerate the reputations of anyone unlucky enough to turn up either on the screen or in the theater.

Read the full review here.

"Everybody's Fine"

When children grow up and leave their parents' homes, it's almost never an easy transition. Nor does it get much easier as the years pass and the kids build their own lives, careers and households. In case you weren't already aware of this particular fact of life, it's spelled out in great detail in "Everybody's Fine." The story is adapted from director Giuseppe Tornatore's 1990 Italian drama, although it might just as easily have been inspired by Harry Chapin's 1974 chart-topping tearjerker "Cat's in the Cradle."

Writer/director Kirk Jones examines the Goode family -- and if you think that last name isn't going to turn out to be ironic, you've got another thing coming -- in which widowed patriarch Frank (Robert DeNiro) spends much of his time in sentimental solitude. Frank's lofty dream: to get his two daughters and two sons under the same roof for a reunion. Unfortunately, since his offspring have sprung off all over the country, that is no easy task. David lives the bohemian life in New York City, Amy is a strictly-business ad executive in Chicago, Robert toils as a musician in St. Louis and Rose has achieved her dream of being a dancer in Las Vegas. Everyone's a success and everything's fine.

Or is it?

When he can't corral the kids into his own now-empty house, Frank embarks on a cross-country odyssey to call on each one of them. Despite warnings from his doctor that travel is a bad idea, Frank (who is suffering from lung disease) hops on a train to the Big Apple anyway. He may well have boarded the Heartbreak Express: Nothing goes as planned, least of all his encounters with Amy, Robert and Rose.

The screenplay does a nice job of communicating the polite uneasiness that sometimes cloaks conversations with family members. "I tell you the good news and spare you the bad," Amy (Kate Beckinsale) tells Frank in a rare moment of frankness. Robert (Sam Rockwell) and Rose (Drew Barrymore) use similar tactics.

Unfortunately, once the movie has established its core concept -- the kids are all keeping up appearances to keep Dad happy -- it has nowhere else to go. Jones' dialogue is generally more believable than the storyline, which is essentially four mild variations on the same theme. The only episode that actually registers is Frank's visit with Robert, who still carries a few decades-old grudges about Frank's high-pressure child-rearing tactics. There's a little electricity in the interplay between Rockwell and DeNiro that is sadly absent in the rest of the film.

DeNiro plays Frank with a gentle low-key charm that's refreshing to see. Beckinsale and Barrymore are each burdened with unconvincing characters and semi-silly situations. In case someone out there doesn't pick up on the conspicuous clues Jones drops that Amy, Robert and Rose are not the shining successes they claim to be, the movie includes a painfully clunky dream sequence in which Frank analyzes everything he has seen and exposes all the unpleasantries they've hoped to hide.

Perhaps the truth will set them all free, but it doesn't make the film any more credible. The phrase "I'll come visit as soon as I can" is repeated throughout "Everybody's Fine" and, like those reassuring words, the movie is well-intentioned but ultimately unconvincing.

"Brothers"

For Natalie Portman, fame has been a double-edged sword. If her name is familiar to you, it's probably because of her appearances in the second set of "Star Wars" films, or perhaps because of her guest-hosting gig on "Saturday Night Live," where she contributed a memorably raunchy -- and uproarious -- rap. Maybe you remember her as the shaven-headed renegade on the run in "V for Vendetta."

But those credits don't do justice to her talents. Portman truly excels when she's given an emotionally complex character to work with, and that's what screenwriter David Benioff ("The Kite Runner") and director Jim Sheridan ("My Left Foot") offer her in "Brothers," an Americanized revamping of the 2004 Danish film "Brodre."

Read the full review here.

"Ninja Assassin"

"Ninja Assassin" starts off not with a bang, but with a slash. A whole lot of slashes, in fact, as an unseen attacker turns a crew of smirking young Yakuza thugs into the Japanese equivalent of Vienna Sausages. Ah, if only they had heeded the wise words of the elderly tattoo artist who tried to warn them: "You cannot bargain with it, you cannot reason with it because it is not a human being! It is a demon sent straight from Hell!"

That ancient inkslinger was absolutely right: Reason certainly has no place in "Ninja Assassin," which makes a half-hearted attempt to set up a plot before abandoning storytelling altogether.
Here the full review here.

"It Might Get Loud"

One came of age in post-World War II London; another grew up amid the bombings in 1970s Belfast; the third emerged from the southeast side of Detroit in the 1990s. But although Jimmy Page, The Edge and Jack White are from different backgrounds, they share a life-long obsession with making music.

In January 2008, director Davis Guggenheim ("An Inconvenient Truth") brought the three men together for a "summit." While "It Might Get Loud" gives us a tantalizing glimpse of the trio's time together, it more importantly uncovers each man's roots and influences, charting his journey from would-be rocker to icon.

Read full review here.

"Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

Like many teenage girls, Claireece "Precious" Jones dreams of being a model and dancing in hip-hop videos. But she has other fantasies, too. "I wanna be normal, and pay attention and sit in the front of the class," she confides. That seems equally far-fetched, considering Precious is practically illiterate, woefully overweight and growing up in 1987 Harlem, where getting an education is seen as a luxury few can afford. When Precious gazes in the mirror, she sees herself not as obese and African-American, but as a beautiful, slender blonde who might be headed for the beach in Malibu; when Precious looks at the squalid apartment she shares with her caustic, cynical mother, Mary, she realizes she's very far away from La La Land. Crackhead neighbors may push the buzzer, but opportunity never seems to knock.

Read full review here.

"The Blind Side"

Football players can't do much if they sit on the sidelines. Neither can Christians, according to "The Blind Side," an agreeable, if overlong inspired-by-a-true-story drama adapted from Michael Lewis' best seller "The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game." Plenty of would-be gridiron stars never live up to their hype, and the same is true of many self-professed people of faith who never actually get around to practicing what they preach.
Read full review here.

"New Moon"

In the world of "New Moon," vampires can project themselves into your thoughts and a clan of teenage guys (with an aversion to wearing shirts, even in winter rain) can transform themselves into huge, snarling wolves. But Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) has a weapon that trumps them all; she's got Glower Power, the gift of seeming utterly sullen and tuned-out, no matter what circumstances surround her.

Her reaction at getting birthday presents? Glower. What crosses her face when she's baffled by the Shirtless Six-Pack Sect? Steely-eyed glower. And her response when her sort-of boyfriend Edward (Robert Pattinson) unexpectedly moves out of town? Nuclear-power glower.

In fact, Bella takes the news so badly she stays home and glowers for the next three months -- we know this because titles reading "October," "November" and "December" cross the screen as she sits curled up in a chair doing you-know-what -- while Edward goes off on some sort of vampiric vision quest. Although far away, he does make a few token appearances in the form of a slightly blurry, scolding hallucination, and having to put up with a man who can't even bother to nag her in person makes Bella so angry, she could just...

"New Moon" is the second film adapted from Stephenie Meyer's enormously popular series of supernatural romances and it turns out to be one of those installments that devotes much of its time to setting up characters and plot complications that will hopefully come to dramatic fruition in the final two movies.

Alas, "Moon" is light on excitement and burdened with too many drawn-out scenes devoted to teen turmoil. Not only are they repetitious, they also make you fear for Bella's mental health after a while. Did her dad (Billy Burke) really just sit back and let her wallow in misery week after week, even when she began having nightmares so intense they caused her to scream in her sleep? Can we really believe the tiny town of Forks, Washington can be home to vampires and werewolves but there's not a single therapist to be found?

Director Catherine Hardwicke's "Twilight," the predecessor to "Moon," had a certain endearing air of lunacy, as Bella met Edward and got her first taste of the lifestyle of the undead. "Moon" (Chris Weitz took over the directorial reins this time around) too often tries to position itself as Serious Cinema, beginning with a heavy-handed "Romeo and Juliet" analogy early on and continuing to maintain a resolutely straight face as Bella is drawn to 16-year-old Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who is on the verge of discovering what he thought were just growing pains are actually the signals that he's carrying a gene that links him to an ancient tribe of shape-shifters.

Since Edward thoughtlessly left town at a time when the vengeful vampire Victoria (Rachelle LeFevre) is still hunting for Bella, having a werewolf as a bodyguard might not be such a bad idea. Unfortunately, Jacob's clan and Edward's circle get along almost as well as the Hatfields and the McCoys, and before the sun goes down on this "Moon"-scape Bella finds she's been appointed an unwilling referee in the feud.

Unless you completely identify with Bella's almost unremittingly angsty attitude, "Moon" is far more of a chore to sit through than "Twilight" was. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg mercifully drops in an occasional joke or humorous tidbit -- such as when Bella, Jacob and clueless classmate Mike (the very funny Michael Welch) wind up seeing a gruesome action flick titled "Face Punch" -- to break up the general gloominess, and Anna Kendrick, who's about to take the world by storm as George Clooney's protege in "Up in the Air," is a snappy delight here as Bella's fairweather friend. The movie could have used a lot more of her.

There's also a quick jaunt to Italy for a visit with the Volturi, a band of high-living blood-suckers that Edward likens to vampire royalty. The leader, Aro, is played by Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning makes a cameo as Aro's acolyte Jane, who can paralyze her enemies with pain simply by staring at them; they perform as if they were pleasantly surprised to receive invitations to a really cool costume party. Disappointingly, the members of Edward's extended family, who provided some interesting suplots in "Twilight," are given short shrift here.

Even Pattinson is off-screen for about two-thirds of the all-too-generous 130-minute running time, so it's Lautner who has to provide the eerie eye candy this time out. Although his posters will undoubtedly adorn many a bedroom wall in months to come, Lautner doesn't make the same kind of connection with Stewart that Pattinson did in the first film. He's been wedged into the same sort of role Bill Pullman used to play regularly back in the early 1990s: the compassionate, kind fellow who is obviously not going to have a long-term liaison with the leading lady. Check Weitz's closet: You can be sure there's a Team Edward T-shirt in there somewhere.

Stewart, meanwhile, is straitjacketed by Bella's sheer dreariness. Aside from delivering a couple of out-of-nowhere wisecracks, Bella is worrisomely one-note. When she finally decides to indulge her wild side by riding around with a sleazy biker or diving off cliffs, her expression and mood change so little it's almost laughable. "Moon" delights in depression, at the expense of its storytelling and its heroine's appeal. Remember, even Angela Chase eventually managed to deal with being rejected by Jordan Catalano back in the day; Bella, sweetheart, get help -- we're concerned.

"Pirate Radio"

"Pirate Radio" revisits the days when offshore, off-the-wall broadcasters catered to England's insatiable appetite for rock and pop while the BBC offered the soothing sounds of Mantovani and Vera Lynn. There's a fascinating culture-clash story to be told about the shifting tastes and colorful characters of this period. Sadly, it has eluded writer-director Richard Curtis. Released overseas earlier this year as "The Boat That Rocked," "Radio" is a busy jumble of fragmented, generally flat scenes and situations that stubbornly refuse to fuse together. A John Lennon lyric sums it all up perfectly: "Always something happening, and nothing going on." Read the full review here.

"2012"

2012 is the year the world as we know it comes to a calamitous end, according to Mayan prophecies. And 2012 is approximately the number of times you may giggle while watching director Roland Emmerich's "2012," which tells us our planet meets its doom not only in fire and water but in an orgasmic explosion of CGI effects, underscored by thundering percussion; exactly how many timpani drums were sacrificed in the service of this soundtrack?

Brace yourself for volcanic eruptions at Yellowstone National Park, tidal waves in Washington, D.C. and the crushing of thousands of unlucky Catholics beneath the dome of St. Peter's Basilica (which magically turns into some sort of enormous rolling pin). Obviously, Emmerich ("The Day After Tomorrow," "Independence Day," "Godzilla") has been worshipping at the Temple of Irwin Allen, the filmmaker dubbed "the Master of Disaster" in honor of his 1970s blockbusters such as "The Poseidon Adventure" and "The Towering Inferno." In between destroying familiar landmarks and taking particular pleasure in demolishing downtown Los Angeles, Emmerich squeezes in an imperiled cruise ship so he can restage some of "Poseidon," as well as showcase George Segal and Blu Mankuma in what looks and sounds like the worst lounge act ever to hit the high seas.

What's put the planet into an End of Days daze, you ask? Mutated neutrinos, of course. Severe solar eruptions have sent those pesky neutrinos raining down on Earth, where they are acting like microwaves on the planet's core, leading Earth to essentially try to shed its skin as land masses quake and break at regular intervals. The governments of the world have joined forces to maintain a code of silence about the oncoming Apocalypse, while secretly building "arks" (yes, you read that correctly) in the mountains of China that will save a few hundred thousand prime human specimens -- provided they can afford the one-billion-Euros per seat passage. There are also elephants, giraffes and other wildlife being loaded onto the arks, although it's unclear how they are expected to pay their way.

As unsuccessful science-fiction writer John Cusack collects his kids, his ex-wife (Amanda Peet) and his ex-wife's new boyfriend (Tom McCarthy) for a hasty trip to the Orient, the U.S. President (Danny Glover) does a whole lot of hand-wringing, goes on TV to say The Lord’s Prayer and then, in one of the film’s many dare-ya-not-to-laugh moments, rolls out an "I’m a-comin', Elizabeth!" speech worthy of Redd Foxx.

In case you want to mark your calendar, the world ends on December 21, 2012, which will at least spare us all the chore of holiday shopping: Thanks, Mayans! Apparently, however, the ancient sages didn’t foresee the closing of the Times Square Virgin Megastore: It’s still visibly open for business in 2012 New York, even though it actually shut its doors last spring.

While Emmerich has far more sophisticated special effects in his toolbox than Allen could ever have dreamed of, the writing in "2012" is barely a step up from coloring-book captions. The screenplay generally substitutes declarations for dialogue ("This was the last day of the United States of America," "You’re telling me the North Pole is now in Wisconsin?!") and the sentimental scenarios Emmerich and co-writer Harald Kloser have concocted make even classy actors like Cusack, Glover and Thandie Newton (in the unfortunate role of the Prez's firebrand of a daughter) look ridiculous.

The only cast members who survive with untarnished reputations are McCarthy, who gives a little edge to his nice-guy plastic surgeon character -- when Peet rejects his advances, he smugly notes that "women pay me thousands of dollars to handle their boobs; you get it for free!" -- and Woody Harrelson, who goes far beyond the call of duty as a nutcase of a talk-radio personality who sees it all coming. Sporting a bargain-basement Halloween wig and throbbing eyes he might have borrowed from Charles Manson, Harrelson not only goes over the top, he heads to infinity and beyond.

But engaging performances and believable drama are low on Emmerich's list of priorities. He’s primarily concerned with dishing up devastation, and "2012" does deliver on that score. Wiping out the world is second nature to Emmerich by now, and his visions of global demolition easily eclipse anything he did in "Tomorrow" or "Independence."

They are also as absurd as they are spectacular; let's just say the end of humanity will probably make a kick-ass videogame this holiday season. If the Physics Police handed out tickets for every natural law "2012" violates, Emmerich and Kloser would have enough to wallpaper Mt. Everest. But perhaps they'll save that stunt for the sequel.

"The Box"

You may recall cash-strapped Demi Moore had to sleep with Robert Redford to get a million dollars in "Indecent Proposal." But that was in 1993. Back in 1976, things were apparently much easier: All schoolteacher Cameron Diaz has to do in "The Box" is press a button.

That's the attention-grabbing hook of writer-director Richard Kelly's chiller, very loosely based on Richard Matheson's short story "Button, Button." Norma Lewis (Diaz) and her husband, Arthur (James Marsden), an aspiring astronaut, are a Virginia couple with major money worries. So the siren song of temptation is mighty hard to resist when Arlington James Steward (Frank Langella) drops a gift on their doorstep. It's an innocent-looking wooden box with a red button attached to it. Steward's instructions: Press the button within 24 hours and you'll get a million dollars -- but you'll also be responsible for the death of a stranger somewhere in the world. It might be someone's baby, Arthur reasons. Or it could be someone who's already on Death Row, Norma counters.

The offer is peculiar and the messenger is downright creepy: Steward lost a large chunk of the left side of his face recently. Still, Norma (who has a deformed foot of her own) gives the matter serious consideration.

In its first 40 minutes, "The Box" lays the groundwork for a provocative shocker, and Kelly (who made the cult favorite "Donnie Darko" and the largely reviled "Southland Tales") has a great deal of fun recalling the cheesy charm of the Ford Administration, when "What's Happening" and "Alice" were on TV, Bicentennial flags were everywhere and unlucky kids carried lunchboxes promoting "The Exciting World of Metrics." Diaz and Marsden bravely wear the clingy polyester fashions of the day, and the ghastly, pseudo-psychedelic wallpaper in the Lewis' kitchen all but begs for co-star status.

Unfortunately, Kelly eventually loses his balance and the movie abruptly stops building suspense, opting instead for weird goings-on and half-hearted paranoid fantasies that might have been at least partially inspired by "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." If the scenario sounds familiar, it might be because you saw the 1980s "Twilight Zone" episode that was also based on the Matheson tale. It had the major advantage of being one-fourth as long as Kelly's version.

The last hour of "The Box" sends Norma and Arthur on a one-way trip into Wackyland, where they face legions of silent stalkers, outdoor motel swimming pools that are still open in mid-December and neighbors who seem uncommonly prone to nosebleeds. (There are as many bloody noses in "The Box" as there are discussions about marriages in a Jane Austen novel.)

After a certain point, it all seems like strangeness for the sake of strangeness. Characters come and go, with no explanation. Ideas are brought up and almost immediately dismissed. Logic and coherence evaporate while Kelly dithers over whether he's making a psychological shocker or an off-the-wall dark comedy: When Steward tells an anguished mother and father their blind and deaf child will "never hear your voices or see your faces again," you may half-expect him to add, "but on the positive side, he's halfway to becoming a Pinball Wizard."

The slapdash feel of the last half of the film indicates that Kelly might have vainly hoped he could piece together a picture in the editing room. Warner Bros. couldn't guess what he was up to, either, which explains why the movie is being unceremoniously dumped into theaters nearly two years after it finished shooting.

With such overcooked lines as "whatever happens to you from this point on will have greater consequences than you can possibly fathom," "The Box" seems to be inviting laughter, but Kelly obviously didn't let Diaz and Marsden in on the joke: They steadfastly march through scene after scene with straight, troubled faces. Meanwhile audiences, exhausted from trying to decide between gasping and giggling, can only greet each new plot twist with rolling eyes. When "The Box" comes to DVD, it won't be a surprise if many viewers press the button marked "eject" long before the film's unsatisifying conclusion.